Swipe Me Off My Feet

Dear dreamer,

My dreams have been bringing me so many crushes.
Some from the past, some I’ve never seen before.
The first two photos below are of what I gathered from/made as offering to my most recent crush dream.  

My most dominant pattern with crushes has gone like this: 
1. I find out somebody likes me
2. I go way too hard in reciprocating the crush until
3. I’ve drowned the flame and they don’t like me anymore

This pattern has played out in various iterations, from MySpace stalking my 7th grade crush, to dudes in college who my best friend would sneer at for not treating me like the catch I was. 

And then from 2020-2022 my dating life turned into such a shitshow that I nearly started a podcast I was going to call, “Swipe Me Off My Feet” to talk about all my Tinder escapades. Sometimes I can laugh about my past dating experiences; sometimes they have been my most intimately traumatizing experiences in life, impacting my relationship with my body and sexuality in life-altering ways. Many times they have been fantastic fodder for my creative expression. 

Lately my dreams have been speaking to me about Crush Energy: It IS a creative energy, full of desire and the impulse to procreate, and it wants to move. But it wants to move all over your life, not just into a romantic relationship. It also wants to move through creative collaborations, business partners, artwork, and the way you enjoy eating your fruit or touching your own body. 

I wish my college self had known this, so I could have just made a bunch of cool art videos with that guy I got so unnecessarily dramatic about. 

But, somewhere in the blur of toxicity, sex, and adventure that was my 2020-2022 streak, I did land on the idea that the romantic desire pulsing through me could be directed somewhere other than in relationship with a person. 

I’d ask myself, “Who is your lover today?” Sometimes it was a passing cloud, or a flower. More and more, I began to see the Ocean as a lover.This also felt like a way in which I was trying to see the possibility of polyamory in my life. Whether I was introducing a date to their first time skinny dipping or free diving in the Ocean, I began to think of the Ocean as my primary partner who I would share my lovers with, bringing her more and more lovers to love.

There is of course a lot more I could say about where Crush Energy has taken me in life. And I’m sensing that these themes will play a big part in a new offering I’m creating and calling “The Scorpion’s Nest.” I’m excited to share more about that soon, and also curious what you imagine when you hear that title. But for now, I just wanted to say that if you have been finding yourself visited by crushes while dreaming, you might focus less on the person that Crush Energy is showing up through, and more on your body’s sensation when you feel that Crush Energy. Ask it where it wants to move in your life now. Ask it to show you where in your life you could benefit from getting a little swept away by the tides. 

Love,
Tsuyuno

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